Friday, January 21, 2011

A ham named Peggy and a dearth of crap

My family 'holiday' get-together was last weekend and I had purchased the ham. When buying a real Smithfield ham, you are truly buying a pig in a poke. All you can do is heft and squeeze and try to guess if it will be a good one. I bought one weighing 15.27 pounds... hey, I wanted to be sure there would be enough for everyone. My daughter helped me heft it into the soaking water and later put it into the oven. Let me tell you about this ham. It had one narrow bone running through it. There was very little fat on or in the ham. I have never seen so much meat on a ham. When it came out of the oven and I had trimmed it, I told my daughter that we should name it 'Peggy' because "eeese so preeety." It sat on the kitchen counter and we sliced and picked at it all afternoon and evening until we finally put it away for the night. Even though soaking had reduced the amount of salt in the ham, we ate so much that I had visions of all of us waking the next morning swelled up like blimps. We sure enjoyed that ham.

Later, while telling some friends about Peggy, I was reminded of a story that had tickled my brother and me years ago...

Seems a city man was taking a drive in the country, enjoying the sights of the countryside. As he passed a farm, he noticed a three-legged pig leaning against the fence next to the road. As he drove on, he kept thinking about that pig. He finally turned around and drove back to the farm where he had seen the pig. Finding the farmer, he asked how the pig had ended up with just three legs.

"Let me tell you about that pig," the farmer said. "One night while we were all asleep, that pig started squealing and kicking at our bedroom door. When I got up, I discovered the house was on fire. That pig saved me and my family."

When the farmer didn't continue his explanation, the city man asked, "But, what about the pig?"

"Let me tell you about that pig," said the farmer. " I was out in a back field plowing and the tractor rolled over and trapped me under it. That pig ran back to the house and squealed until my wife followed it to where I was and she got help to get me out from under that tractor."

Again the city man asked, "But, what about the pig?"

"Let me tell you about that pig," said the farmer. "One day my son was swimming in the cow pond and started sinking. That pig ran up to house and squealed until we followed him down to the pond and got my son out of the water. That pig saved my son's life."

"But what about the pig?!"

"Well, Son," said the farmer. "A pig that good ya don't eat all at once."

Back in November, my daughter and I had gone to Target and were looking at the games while my grand-daughters perused the toy aisles. We found a new trivia game called "Fact or Crap." I immediately fell in love with the name. I didn't get the game that day but was determined to buy it soon. This past Sunday, I took the grand-daughters shopping (a touch of boredom and gift cards burning holes in purses). We went to Target. I had told my oldest grand-daughter about the game and thought I'd buy it for us to play when we returned home. We searched the game shelves and didn't see it. I noticed an empty space on the top shelf and I told her I bet that was were the game had been. I was right. When I looked at the label identifying the empty space, it said "CRAP." When I could stop laughing, I told my grand-daughter that, apparently "It's official... Target has sold all their crap."